Today i woke up more or less in the same mood i was yesterday. I guess the weather doesn't really help to feel any other thing than sadness. Today we are about 3 degrees, but there is a really strong wind that freezes everything, including my soul.
I don't really know if what i tried to write yesterday could be understood, and anyway i write this just for me, to keep some kind of record of what i was living when i wrote it. I will know for sure what i meant when i wrote it and as far as i really can't count on anyone else but me and maybe my family -and luckily most of them doesn't know about this blog- doesn't really matter if the other readers i can have, some of them friends, some of them just curious but nothing else, can understand it. If you are a friend and have doubts about what i wanted to say, or even what does it mean, because i'm aware quite many of my spanish friends needs our dear google translator to read me, just ask. Being friends probably you know how to reach me.
Everyday i wake up like after a nightmare, hoping that everything is nothing but a bad dream. Hoping that someone will call me to know how i'm doing, someone will send me a mail suggesting a plan, someone will say good morning on skype, wahtever... But everyday i see how my hopes are completely useless and no matter how strong i can hope it, it just won't happen.
So that's it, that's the life i have to live, under those conditions. By my own and alone. I gave up on any other thing. I won't have more than what i have, so it's pointless to put my hopes on something that will never happen, that will only frustrate me, and that is the last thing i need.
The only message i want to send today is for you people, my real friends in Spain. Please don't let me down you too when i arrive in 3 weeks. I really need you all. You are the only thing i have and what i need the most is to feel loved by you. I know there is no need to ask for that, but still i want to do it. Just 3 weeks and i'll be at home to recharge my batteries and recover my self esteem. I love you all.
Hugs & Kisses.
PS: This is written at work, so don't pay so much attention about how it is written. The only reason why it is in english is to not mess up my head with two languages while i'm working (in english).