lunes, 30 de mayo de 2011

#spanishrevolution for foreigners

Today my post will be about something that i really don't want to speak about here. A bit more than a month ago, when i decided to write this blog i drew a line for myself. Here i didn't want to speak about sensitive topics like politics, religion or even football, i didn't want to mention full names when i'm speaking about people i care about, and didn't want to show faces in order to respect the privacy of those who are with me.

Some of that rules are already broken, even when i asked for permission to do it, but this time i'm afraid i will have to break another one. I won't dive deep analyzing the Spanish politics or politicians, but i'm going to set a few headlines of what is going on in Spain -and now all over Europe- with this movement called the Spanish revolution.

First of all i should say that this movement is an apolitical and peaceful movement that just wants to complaint about how rotten is the system right now. It's a social network phenomena that started few days before the local elections had happen in Spain on may the 15th and it was about taking some public squares and sit there to protest in a peaceful way against the system like it is now. Just to sit in the street should be a good way to be seen, to show to the politicians that the people is not happy with the present situation.

Spain is a quite big country, we're almost 50 million people now, and in such a big country the situation is this. There are two big parties that controls about the 95% of the parliament. According with the present electoral system you only can vote for one party, but you can't decide or even have an opinion about the people that will represent that party and defend your ideas at the parliament. That means that the parties itself, who are financed by banks or private institutions or people, are the ones who decide who will be there, who will represent the votes that they could collect. And that means also that as far as they owe quite many favors to the people and institutions who support them, the members of parliament aren't chosen with your votes but yes according with the interests of the party, not even with the interests of the country.

That situation lead us to the present, where hundreds of elected politicians are waiting for a sentence in proceedings related to corruption, misappropriate public funds and many other similar cases. Also the ones who are already condemned are kind of popular heroes and the very few that had to go to the jail live there with the benefits of a luxury hotel. 

It's true that the innocence of everyone should be presumed until there are evidences against it, but the voters who are exercising their human right to vote shouldn't have to deal with those ridiculous situations. You can have your ideas about which party do you want to have as your representative at the parliament, but you can't choose who will be and maybe you have some issues with the people chosen by the party to do such job, but you have no rights to say anything against it. Only to wait 4 more years and change your vote, putting yourself in the same situation again but with the opposite party.

For me at least that's the main thing that the spanish revolution wants to achieve. Open lists in the elections, in order to choose by yourself the people that you think could represent your ideas or hopes in the best way. You choose the party but also who will be the people who will be there to represent you and defend your ideas.

Also, as far as this is a movement created by the hopeless youth they just ask for really basic things that probably could help changing a bit this worldwide crisis situation. Here it goes a list of the demands.

1.- No more privileges for the politicians.
In the present they have so many privileges. For life pays, fiscal benefits and many other things that only them can have, discriminating all the other workers and making that to be a politician can be something so profitable, even if you don't care about politics.

2.- A proper plan against the unemployment.
Human rights chart says that everyone has the right to work, but that's not real in our present society.

3.- The right to have a place to live.
Another human right that because of the banks and speculators it's an utopia.

4.- Good and competent public services.
You have to be in Spain to know what is this about, but bureaucracy and money wasting in public services could be our second names. There should be someone to control the budgets and the way the money is spent.

5.- Control of the banks.
There should be a government agency to control the way the banks operates and how many debts they can create.

6.- Tax system.
Here quite many modifications are needed, but the main one should be higher taxes for the people or companies who has more, pure common sense.

There are quite many other things that should be changed or modified, but those are the main pillars of the spanish revolution movement. The reason why there are more than one million people camping in so many places all over Spain. As the situation in Europe it's not so different this movement is spreading all over Europe. France, Italy, Greece, Netherlands... are some of the countries that are starting to join this movement.

As my intention is so far to give political advices or opinions, to create anxiety or any other thing but explaining the facts, i won't speak about how the government are dealing with this manifestations. Just to say that in youtube it's quite easy to find how the police beated people in Barcelona this weekend or yesterday in Paris.
Look for them and create your own opinion about it.

Probably this will end not changing so many things, but now the seed it's planted. The idea is in so many heads already and i really hope that this young people  that is fighting with their presence, but with no violence, against the present situation, will get the power soon in order to go back to the basic. The people wellness, and not just the companies one.

I hope this wasn't too boring for all of you, but from here it's all i can do to help what i really hope will be the future of my country.


domingo, 29 de mayo de 2011

A long weekend

Good afternoon!

It's being a weird time for me, a time of changes. In a week i will start to work after three years without working and i'm a bit scared of it. Not because of the job itself, which i think it won't be a challenge at all for me, but because of the new routines i will have to learn again.

Three years is a lot of time, specially when every single day is the same like in that Bill Murray's movie "The groundhog day" For so long i just used to wake up at lunchtime, to have a couple of coffees, to have some lunch, to watch tv, to be sitting in front of the computer and like that until i could see the sunlight, that was the indicator to go to sleep again.

My new routines will have to be so different to that life that i've been living for such a long time and even when since i came to Estonia i worked a lot on them i still don't really know how well i will stand a 9 to 5 job, to wake up at 7 or earlier to arrive on time to the workplace and to have only two or three hours for myself everyday.

Maybe because of that, maybe because of the spring or because it was the time for it the fact is that i'm going out more than ever in so so many time. That is so good because it means at last i'm kind of fixed, but also means that i'm going back to the nightlife, just the opposite of what i will need from next week.

Social life here in Estonia for me is priceless. I don't have the chance to meet many people if it's not in this way, going to parties or going out with my friends here. I speak everyday with people, but you know, it's not the same the way you can speak while you are having lunch than when you are in front of a beer in a pub. And those conversations are really important too, even when for so long i was too inside myself to be able to enjoy them.

This weekend again luckily i can say that i had fun. A lot of fun. And that i went out more than once. On friday i went to explore the old town nightlife. My dear friend and me took our pith helmets, our binoculars and went in the seek for wild animals like tigers, leopards and zebras. We found seven in the end after a pleasant but short night together. Some drinks, some really needed chats and the feeling of the friendship growing and growing, thing that for me at least is a big need. Great friday that ended later at home having another really needed conversation, a conversation that had to happen in the nineties and had to wait until the second decade of the XXI century. I am so messy, but this was just too much.

And then the saturday arrived. In the morning the only plan already made was to go to a concert of my friend's choir. They sing in a folk choir, those ones that are so popular and important in every single way here. The concert was a night one, at 23h -really late here for any activity- and in a beautiful place, a castle placed in the middle of a nice and charming park, even when it was completely full of mosquitoes. The thing is that in the end i went to a birthday party before and after the concert. The concert itself was so good, as it was the place where it happened. Some new songs that i've never heard before and were quite moving. It was so cool. But the party was cooler i have to say. They rented a place to do it, there was catering, a waiter, all sorts of drinks and even a wonderful coffee machine. We brought there the same sound equipment that we had in the Otepää party of last week and well, that was a good party. Good music with friends being the DJ's, good and tasty food, variety in drinks... the ideal for any party but for real. Even all the girls were beautiful. We were there having fun until 4 AM and then we went to eat pizza. This city has wonderful things.

I just hope to not be late my first day of work.

Now some pictures of this weekend. The blurry ones are like that on purpose.

PS: Sorry about the style today, as far as i didn't sleep more than few hours my writing style can't be so good today.

PS2: It's always cool to see the dawn of the day at 3 and something AM, don't you think?

miércoles, 25 de mayo de 2011

La insoportable "soledad" del ser.

Buenas tardes.

Hacía ya varios días que no escribía nada en castellano y como hay alguno que se queja de eso, este post será en el idioma patrio.

Hay días que son mejores que otros, bien sea en cuanto a lo bien que te sientes, a tu estado anímico, al tiempo que hace, a la suerte que tengas... En fin, hay miles de factores que pueden condicionar un día cualesquiera y transformarlo en el mejor o peor día de tu vida. Esto de en mejor o peor es un poco como lo del fútbol, ahora que ya se ha acabado la liga hemos podido ver como en las ultimas semanas ha habido como cuatro partidos del siglo, es decir, todo es relativo, pero tendemos a quedarnos con el ultimo momento que nos ha provocado una emoción intensa, bien sea buena o mala, como la mejor o peor respectivamente.

Evidentemente y como podréis suponer, el mio de hoy no es el mejor posible. De tener que definirlo solo con una palabra, esa sería resignación. Es curioso como cuando tienes un día excelente, cuando todo es bello y perfecto, no tienes ganas de compartirlo, de salir a la calle y gritar que tienes un día excelente. En mi caso al menos me limito a tener una sonrisa bovina y a disfrutarlo. Tiendo a ser egoísta con esos días, son tan pocos que solo intento disfrutarlos al máximo yo solo. Solo los que me ven o me leen se dan cuenta de como estoy.

El caso es que como habéis podido leer en los anteriores posts he tenido un fin de semana muy intenso, agotador en lo físico y mental y en donde he tenido que asumir ciertas cosas que no tenía especial interés en asumir. Pese a todo lo bueno que he vivido, que ha sido mucho, también ha habido cosillas que me han desestabilizado un poco. La realidad a veces es cruel y no apetece verla hasta que chocas de frente con ella. Y supongo que esto es lo que me está pasando.

Estos días he estado con mucha gente, he hecho nuevos amigos, he podido disfrutar a ratos de los que ya tenía, pero un mes después de haber llegado a Estonia también me estoy dando cuenta de lo solo que se puede estar aún estando con gente y de lo necesario que es el amor en mi vida.

Tras 16 años prácticamente seguidos con parejas, en cada caso relaciones extremadamente largas y/o estables, decidí tomarme un tiempo para estar solo. Ese tiempo me ha enseñado que necesito sentirme querido mas que ninguna otra cosa en el mundo. Puedo tener lo que sea, puedo hacer lo que quiera, que mientras que no tenga amor no puedo ser feliz. Eso es lo que he aprendido de mi mismo en estos últimos meses y ahora que lo se, cada día que reafirmo esa lección se me hace mas duro que el anterior.

La decisión de venirme a Estonia fue compleja, condicionada por muchos factores, no todos perfectamente comprensibles para todo el mundo, pero de los que estaba y aun estoy muy seguro. Eso si, no había tenido en cuenta ese pequeño factor. Con novia o sin ella necesito amor, necesito que de vez en cuanto alguien a quien aprecio me diga lo mucho que me quiere, una caricia, un abrazo o un beso. Y bueno, eso aquí es imposible de conseguir. Estonia tiene muchas cosas buenas, pero los estonios que yo conozco al menos tienen un corazón tirando a gélido. Sus sentimientos son suyos y no sienten la necesidad de mostrarlos ni expresarlos y mucho menos aún compartirlos. Si a esto le sumamos que yo no dejo de ser un extraño y que si necesito esas cosas, esa honestidad en cuanto a lo sentimental, tenemos una mezcla bastante explosiva en donde yo siempre tengo las de perder.

No se si llegaré a tener una novia Estonia algún día, aunque a priori y mientras lleve la vida que llevo es prácticamente imposible, pero es algo que cada día que pasa necesito mas. Necesito llegar a casa y que alguien me pregunte que tal ha ido el día, que antes de dormirme me de las buenas noches, que cuando me levante por la mañana me sonría con cara de sueño. Cosas que son muy sencillas y muy básicas, pero que aquí escasean tanto como el aceite de oliva.

Solo espero que en cuanto empiece a trabajar y me mude a mi propio piso cambie algo respecto a este tema. Aún no se si duele mas llegar a casa y que no haya nadie para saludarte o que si lo haya y simplemente no lo haga. Lo que tengo claro es que esta segunda opción está empezando a pasarme factura. Es como tener un caramelo sobre la mesa y no poder comerlo. Y lo que es peor, cada día pienso mas sobre ello y mas me como la cabeza. Hoy es uno de los días que mas español me he sentido desde que he llegado a Estonia, y no ha sido para bien.

Mi manera de ser es un poco peculiar, mucho de hecho, pero siempre lo doy todo y espero recibir algo de vuelta. Ese sistema aquí no funciona. O no con la gente que yo conozco al menos, y eso me esta volviendo loco. Mataría por una caricia ahora mismo.

Cuidaos y sed buenos, yo mientras esperaré aquí a que el nitrógeno líquido que me inyectan en vena a diario me congele el corazón a mi también mientras me tomo una lata xxl de cerveza. Así al menos espero poder soportar mi día a día, donde cada cosa que pasa y que no puedo cambiar me mata de pena.

The party (Chpt. 2)

Tere hommikust.

Now i guess i can go on with my stories about this long and intense weekend. After a night without sleeping and seven chapters of Sons Of Anarchy in a row i really needed some rest.

We were on friday, when the real party started. After a common morning, or maybe not so common because we had an unbelievable spring day and we could have a nice lunch at the yard, i started to pack my stuff for the weekend, luckily i was clever enough to pick up some pills for my stomach, thing that was really useful on saturday morning. About mid afternoon our friends arrived to pick me up and we started a really beautiful trip across Estonia, from Tallinn to a place quite close from Tartu called Otepää. In there, about 10 or 15 km away was the house where we were going, Kunstimäe. The whole trip was so beautiful, going in the car as it were a magic carpet, flying over the endless estonian green fields and the birch trees forests. After several pit stops where we refuelled our souls and took incredible pictures, we arrived to our destiny.

An amazing place next to a river, which we crossed through a charming little wooden bridge, with soft hills and the estonian spring in all its splendour. Just a dream place with endless gardens, a fairy tale pond and billions of birds singing. I almost couldn't believe that.

Our incredible hosts, always with a big smile in their faces, received us with a cold beer and we emptied the car to set the Hi-Fi equipment that we were carrying. Music it's always an important thing in a party, and when i could see the whole set working i knew that it wouldn't be a problem here. In a huge dining room, actually a whole house made with that purpose, like if it were a gigantic loft, we had al sorts of gadgets, from keyboards, synthesizers and microphones, to a couple of DJ turntables and a mixer. The dream of any amateur DJ -or not so amateur- would be the spinal bone for our party.

After a while the other guests started to arrive and the party itself started. Most of them were new people for me so i was jumping from one group to another, meeting new people, being introduced to each one of those friends that are going to this party for more than ten years already, and soon i could realized why it was so good and successful.

As any estonian party i've been into until now there was a lot to drink and eat. We made an informal dinner next to a bar and started to drink meanwhile the music was starting to warm up the party as we were doing with our bodies with the beers, mojitos and vodka.

The vodka should deserve a whole chapter, but i'll try to put everything here. This party was about the birthday of one of our hosts, and he was quite interested in showing me the vodka tradition. So after several tries that i refused to drink it, i agreed to try one. They drink it in a specific way. There must be prickles or tomato slices to eat after drink it and every glass of it deserves a toast. In this case a birthday was reason enough to make so many toasts, so even when i skipped quite many of them in the end i had like 15 and well... Last time i was so drunk like that probably i still hadn't a proper beard. Was a nightmare. Feeling that dizziness that only alcohol can give. Having to keep my eyes closed to not feel like if i were in a carousel or a Ferris wheel. Felling asleep in the garden, in the toilet... a complete mess. I was green like a lime and i was feeling like someone were wanting to rip my stomach trough the mouth with bare hands. About 2 AM i just couldn't go on. Somehow i could reach my bed and fell dead until next day. The Spanish dude had an incredible society presentation. Could it be worse? I still feel ashamed of myself, even when everybody else was quite drunk too.

Saturday morning i had to take those pills i brought for my stomach. It was pure fire. But surprisingly the hangover wasn't so bad as i expected, only my stomach was so bad.

I woke up, went outside and had a breakfast lying in the grass under the sun while the kids were playing and the other friends were turning red slowly while i only could be even more tanned.

After the breakfast, some rest and so so many mosquito bites we started to work. Kunstimäe it's not only the house that my friend's parents have, it's also a Rural Hotel and there is always a lot of work to do, so the party is about that also, we go there and have fun but also we help a bit with the hard work. Being so many people even the hardest task it's easy to do. And it's what we did. We worked until lunchtime, had a lunch and some rest, then a bit more of work and then party again. This time at the sauna. Most part of the girls and me too were too bad to party, so i just went to see how it was, but i couldn't start again with the vodka or whatever else. Again i gave up early, but the party was so good as i could see in my room mates when they arrived. Wasted was not enough to describe them.

Sunday again was the same thing, wonderful breakfast, some sunbaths, some work, wonderful lunch and some rest until we came back to Tallinn. The weekend was exhausting but just too good. Even with my issues with the vodka one of the best parties i've been into in last years.

Thank you all -you know who i mean- for your hospitality and your patience with the brown Spaniard who came to the land of snow. I hope to be back in there soon.

martes, 24 de mayo de 2011

The party (Chpt. 1)

Tere Hommikust.

First of all i must say sorry to take so long to write this new post in the blog, i've been quite busy last days or too bad to write aything, so i hope you will understand the delay.

My last post was on wednesday and since then i've been in a kind of non stop party until sunday that made me be most part of the day in the bed yesterday. In that time i made new friends, i became first a fan and then a hater of vodka, i saw one of the most beautiful places i've ever been in and i realized how bad is the situation in my beloved country, Spain, so let's start to analyse all of those things.

Everything started with an innocent barbecue. We had no idea of what to have for dinner on thursday, so we made a barbecue with some wood that we had after pruning the trees of the yard. I went to buy some meat and sausages, some beer and of course some wine meanwhile my mate here started with the fire, but when i came back from the shop we had guests, so what in the beginning was planned just as a warm dinner became a totally unexpected party. Most of us were just drinking, hanging around and watching funny videos until 2 AM here in the yard where i'm writing this right now, when the guest and i were just too wasted to go on and decided to end the party. That night i wasn't so OK because i had other things to think about, so it was so glad that someone could be with me until that time and could let me less time to think. Even with that was a long night for me after the party, but that's another story.

I always keep my promises and i promised to my new friend to share a video that he showed me. It's just too funny and we laughed a lot with it, so i really hope you too.

Oooh, yeah
What, what
MC Vagina's right back in this bitch
Two thousand nine is the year that I recorded this song
Still not loving police
Still got love for the vaginal crease
Player haters beware, because

Guns don't kill people, uh uh
I kill people with guns
Guns don't kill people, uh uh
I kill people with guns

Hey punkass gangsters, what you lookin' at
You think you can front with me, you better watch your back
Because I have a lot of guns and I can shoot them good
I'm a menace from society, a boy on the hood
I'm invincible like Bruce Willis in the movie "Invincible"
I'm invisible like... well, I'm not really invisible
I'm bad like the movie "Attack of the clones"
I'm dangerous like a fire in a nursing home
Old people burning, old people burning
Put your hands up
Old people burning, old people burning
That's kinda messed up
What, what, you got a problem with this
Maybe I should kick you in the face with my fist
Because on top of guns I know karate and ninja stuff
So if you'll come at me I'll trip you then I'll suck your nuts
I-i mean I'll punch your nuts
Sucking them would be gay and I'm totally not gay
I'm all about V.A.G.I.N.A.

Guns don't kill people, uh uh
I kill people with guns
Guns don't kill people, uh uh
I kill people with guns

If a guy messes with me I shoot him with my load
All over his chest and face and down his throat
'Cos I don't give a fuck, I'm crazy, like Mel Gibson
No, wait, that just makes me sound racist
Listen, I buy a lot of expensive things because I have a lot of money
You can't afford expensive things 'cos you don't have a lot of money
Ha-ha, you want these things, but you cannot afford them
That means that you're not cool, 'cos you're just a poor person
Stupid poor people, stupid poor people
I have more money than you do
Stupid poor people, stupid poor people
You can't even afford food
When I show women my money, they want to have sex with me
And they always have orgasms 'cos my penis is so big
Twenty five inches long and twelve inches thick
I'm the Anthony Hopkins of cock, the Albert Einstein of dick
I'm the Beatles of cumshots, the Mozart of huge balls
The Anne Frank of erections
No... that's inappropriate
Everybody knows that my rhymes are really tight
Like an extra large condom on my penis, that's right
My lyrics are like the movie "The Shawshank Redemption"
They're really good

Guns don't kill people, uh uh
I kill people with guns
Guns don't kill people, uh uh
I kill people with guns

I've killed so many people that I don't even remember how many people I've killed
But it's probably around seven... thousand
Two thousand five plus four pennies representing the north side
C to the anada, bitch
Oh, yeah, women are actually good for four things
Cooking, cleaning, vaginas and their sisters' vaginas.

I still laugh with it, but i hope you can take it as it is, a joke, not a serious song.

After that night was already friday and we went to THE PARTY in capital letters.

But that will be in next chapter. 

miércoles, 18 de mayo de 2011

Rock & Roll Baby!

Good morning!

Today i think we all need some videos to cheer up ourselves. I'm feeling into the rock'n'roll mode, so that is exactly what you are going to get. Enjoy!

1.- AC/DC - Let there be rock -I would love to be in that mass-

2.- Kiss - Rock & Roll al nite - I never liked the look of those guys, but they are so damn funny-

3.-The Stooges - Search and destroy - Just pure attitude -


4.- The Ramones - I wanna be sedated - One of the very first songs i learned to play -

5.- The Trashmen - Surfin' bird - Surf baby, surf! -

6.- Jim Jones Revue - Rock 'n' roll psychosis - I LOVE this band -

7.- The Beatles - Helter Skelter - Probably the song which started it all -

8.- The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion - Calvin - Another great band -

9.- Doctor Explosion - Drácula ye-ye - A superfunny spanish band -

10.- The Cramps - Garbage man - Do you understand? -

And with this, this post dedicated to rock & surf music is over. I'll add a bonus track now because when we are speaking about rock AC/DC deserves at least a couple of songs, it's just that this one will be a bit... different.

Have fun and be good.

*All those songs are songs that i like, but that doesn't mean that are my favourites, are the ones i want you to listen today.

martes, 17 de mayo de 2011

And i got the job

Tere hommikust!

Today will be two or three posts at least, as far as i had this blog quite abandoned. Those few days were quite intense, so i really hadn't time or the right mood to write anything.

The very first new should be that i'm writing in my new laptop now. Finally i could get one, my first one ever, and i'm quite happy with it, if it weren't because of the games i guess i should have had one long ago. In this country where you can do everything online and there's free wifi almost everywhere it's definitely a "must have" item.

And the second big new it's something that i've been needing badly for so long, 3 years now. One of the main reasons to come to Estonia to live was that i needed a job, and well, i have it now. When i arrived i had a long conversation with myself about what should be my list of priorities here and what should i do about myself. As many of you know i had a really long dark period in my life, where everything i care about or could matter for me just faded away. I lost everything i loved or wanted and my intention was to reborn here as the phoenix would do, from it's ashes. So i set a list of priorities for myself. the very first one was to know my new environment, the city and the culture, in order to know how to behave here. But just after that i knew i needed a job.

I've been looking for one in Spain for quite long time and i wasn't called even to make an interview -otherwise i would be in Spain because of something that i'll explain later- and i was starting to be desperate. My unemployment pay was over, i had no hopes about the future, and suddenly a new door appeared, the possibility of coming here and start again. So i took the very first risky decision in so many years. To migrate to the north. I don't regret it. For now it's being the best decision i could take in a very very long time.

I spent 2 weeks doing nothing else than to walk around, watch and take notes about what i could discover every day. And when i felt i could be ready to come back to real life i started to look for a job. I did it online, as every other single thing here in Estonia, and just after 2 days they called me to set an interview. I made a couple of interviews before by phone and in the end we dated to make a personal interview.

As any other single interview i could do in my life i passed it and i got the job, so in 3 weeks for now i will be part of the estonian workforce and i'll close forever the most difficult chapter in my life.

Now only a couple of things more has to change to feel full and happy, but those will take time and aren't things that i can do just wishing them, so i'll have to be patient, thing that i'm not when i really know what i want. That things and the process to have them are so suitable to make huge mistakes, some of them actually are already made, but you know, nobody is perfect, and me even less. I will have to learn to enjoy the unexpected and to be able to understand that not everything can be as i would want to. I'm too used to have everything i want and sometimes there are things that are just impossible to reach.

For now i will enjoy what i have, i'll look for my own space as far as it seems i will have money enough to have a pleasant life here in Estonia, and after that who knows, i'm a lucky bastard, so maybe what i have is what i deserve and nothing else. I shouldn't complaint at all, it's more than what many people has, so i shouldn't be greedy, but yes ambitious. I won't give up in the search of my own happiness, i just will have to take a break, not get obsessed and start to enjoy what i already have, which is a lot.


24 h party people

Buenas tardes.

Hoy estoy algo resacoso tras dos días de fiesta seguidos, las primeras salidas desde que estoy en Tallinn. Tenía muchísima curiosidad por salir aquí y ver como era esto de noche, ya que solo conocía hasta ahora la vida diurna y debo decir que me ha sorprendido un poco.

Me lo he pasado muy bien y las dos noches han sido totalmente diferentes entre si, lo cual también es bueno para tener un punto de vista un poco mas amplio sobre las noches Estonias.

La primera de las noches, con la mejor compañía posible, mis dos queridas anfitrionas -si, soy un tío con suerte- nos fuimos a un pub llamado Chicago. El sitio era de lo mas curioso. Un pub que ha debido costar muchñisimos miles de euros, ambientado en el Chicago de los años treinta, desde la decoración a los uniformes del personal, y con actuaciones en directo cada noche. Quizás no sea el sitio mas representativo de la noche Tallinesa puesto que es un sitio un poco caro y bastante "fashion", pero me sirvió para darme cuenta de una par de diferencias bastante importantes respecto a España. Lo primero y mas chocante es que en Tallinn cuando sales comes. Con esto quiero decir que por ejemplo nuestro pedido fueron 3 gintonics y unas alitas de pollo. Todo el mundo, en todas las mesas estaba comiendo algo mientras tomaban sus copas y eso es algo que me resultó de lo mas chocante. En especial lo de pedir las copas con carta me resultó hasta gracioso. El sitio es tirando a caro, pero tenía tantas ganas de salir que me dio igual.
En ese enlace os haréis una idea mejor de como es el sitio. Lamentablemente esa noche no saque la cámara, así que no tengo fotos propias.

Respecto a la "fauna" del lugar, pude ver a unas cuantas leopardas, tigresas y cebras, es decir, chicas con vestidos imposibles estampados con esos diseños y que claramente iban pidiendo guerra. Todavía me pregunto como se podrá ligar en este país siendo la gente tan fría y sin usar el contacto físico, pero teniendo esa desinhibición a la hora de vestirse. También había mucho turista, algún que otro mafiosete ruso y algún que otro borracho. Audiencia ecléctica como os estaréis dando cuenta.

La segunda fiesta fue otro lado de la noche estonia que quería conocer. Una fiesta de cumpleaños en una casa en el campo.

No pensaba salir esa noche puesto que la anterior me había dejado un tanto maltrecho, pero dije en voz alta que estaba o para acostarme o para volver a salir y me invitaron a la fiesta, así que no pude -ni quise- decir que no.

La fiesta era bastante relajada, unas 20 personas, todos amigos, que cada año se reúnen para ese cumpleaños y para ver eurovisión. Si amigos, Estonia es de esos países donde Eurovisión importa, donde hay una tradición al respecto y donde la gente conoce a los candidatos. No todo el mundo por supuesto, pero si es algo muy común. Hasta yo conocía a la representante estonia, así que con eso os lo digo todo.

La fiesta era la típica fiesta donde había picoteo para comer, varias tartas y alcohol, pero nada salvaje, en realidad un ambiente muy agradable. Como no, yo era la novedad en la fiesta, no es común tener a un español moreno como el carbón sentado a la mesa en un cumpleaños de amigos, todos estonios. Aun así debo decir que me sentí muy bien allí. Lo primero es que pude hablar con todo aquel que quiso hablar conmigo, que fueron la mayoría. Todavía me pregunto como podría haber sido lo opuesto, si yo me llevo a una de mis amigas a un cumpleaños en España. Realmente cuantos podrían hablar con ella? Lamentablemente conozco la respuesta por mis experiencias previas con una novia húngara que tuve. La diferencia cultural en ese sentido es abismal. Llevo algo mas de 3 semanas en estonia y aun no he necesitado hablar estonio ni una sola vez, aunque sigo queriendo aprenderlo y hablarlo, pero todo el mundo, o un porcentaje altísimo al menos, habla inglés con fluidez.

En la fiesta me pase la mayor parte del tiempo con mi cervecita, en la puerta de la casa, hablando con todo aquel que salía fuera, así que fue una fiesta de lo mas agradable.

Eso si, la resaca aún sobrevuela mi cabeza como un buitre que ha avistado un ñu enfermo.

Tere hommikust!

lunes, 9 de mayo de 2011

Una de fotos bonitas (menos en la que salgo yo)

And after the storm...

Tere Hommikust!

Today is a great day. It´s a sunny, warm and beautiful spring day. The kind of days when you feel alive and happy even when you don´t have special reasons for that. But in my case i do have quite many reasons to feel like that.

First of all because today it´s the first day after one of the best weekends i can remember.

I must say that on Thursday, when my weekend started i wasn´t feeling so good as you could read in my last post. My world was grey and cloudy, my feelings were so intense and not positive and everything seemed to be like a nightmare. But once again i´ve been saved. I had the chat that i needed so badly, a nice walk to the beach, i could open my heart almost completely and it really worked. The huge load that i was carrying for no reason just disappeared and since then,and  feeling so light i could enjoy all the things that i couldn´t enjoy before.

That delicious warm breeze made all the clouds that were covering everything around me, letting me see only the grey side of life, just melt. Thank you Miss Zoidberg for that breeze, it saved me again.

And since then everything was beautiful, relaxed, the kind of things that can make you feel alive. The pleasure of doing something nice with somebody that also fills you. Each minute was like one more breath of fresh air, that could fill my lungs and make my body work for some more time. Just too good. Someday i really hope to have those same feelings everyday and then i´ll be really complete. I´ll have the answer that i´ve been looking for for such a long time.

Lots of things were done, beautiful places were visited and even some really good pictures were taken. There was few negative things also, but nothing that could be bad enough to ruin one of the best weekends ever. I hope it wasn´t only me who could enjoy it that much. I´m sure i wasn´t.

Those last days, everything that happened in them were reason enough to come to Estonia and change my life forever.

I feel alive and happy.

This is for you my dear Miss Zoidberg.

viernes, 6 de mayo de 2011

Have you ever tried to turn it off and turn it on again?

Good morning.

Today i guess i won´t be able to write a happy post as i feel really bad. It´s funny because i have so many reasons to be happy today, the sun shines, we have a gorgeous spring day and in few hours i´ll have my first job interview in Estonia. I guess nothing could be better.

The point is that i´m a really confident person about myself and my capabilities. I´m quite clever and i´m old enough to have some backup from the experience too, so in my everyday life i always keep everything under control, i know exactly how and why the things happens like they do and most of the times i even can predict what will happen too. Of course i´m not a future teller, but somehow the facts tend to repeat in a certain way, so under known situations the most probable result of the mix of those situations can be predicted too. You know, it´s pure statistics after all, and by now, being 34 years old, my archive of possible situations and results is big enough to not make so many mistakes.

But that way of thinking, or that way of living, because actually it´s a way to live, can make you be in the razor´s edge. If you make a mistake and the result of your prediction it´s not the expected one, then you are lost. When you feel confident all the time about everything your instincts can be really out of shape, somehow makes you be more a machine than a human being. And if something fails, you have to reboot yourself. If you know how, of course.

So that´s exactly what it´s happening to me. Even being so experienced as i am, quite many situations of my new everyday life does not compute. I don´t have those experiences, feelings, situations and many other things in my hard drive. Nothing of the environment where i´m living in it´s stored, so even when the events are the same the results may vary referred to my predictions or previous experience.

I never was living abroad before, i´ve never had such a different culture and way of thinking around me before and i´m getting lost in it. My way of living and thinking doesn´t work here, what for me used to be solid pillars in my way of behaving doesn´t make sense anymore. I feel like a little boy that still can´t understand the world and feels so lost about everything.

The bad thing is that little boys aren´t fearful about experimenting and trying to understand the world just testing it. For them everything is new and funny, and they can´t feel any danger or fear. When you have that knowledge from a previous life it´s harder to understand what it is different and what it´s not, and of course you´re too cautious if not scared to the bone, to test anything and realize that world it´s not how it used to be. The one that you could understand and live in. In a certain way it´s easy to become a coward and get attached to the world you already knew, thing that happens everyday in world´s politics and politicians.

I guess that adaptation takes time and even more than time, attitude. But here is where i am a mess. I´m not patient at all, i mean, i can be with certain things, but with most of them the feeling of need´em for yesterday is much stronger than myself. And those two things, unpredictable environment plus being impatient it´s a really horrible mix. Experimentation takes time, not only to see the proper results of the experiment but also to be able to understand the process.

The instability and oversensitivity that are causing this adaptation process in me is making really horrible things. And unfortunately not only in me, what could be a expected situation. It´s making flow the worst of me, feelings and reactions that are buried in the deepest part of my heart most of the time and that now are flooding out of control and can -and actually they already did- hurt other people, really loved people. Awful instincts and feelings like rage, anger, self pity, to be jealous or envious about what other people can have and not me, are creating a kind of haze, a dark cloud that doesn´t let me see the real world outside it.

This situation is creating a monster that it´s not me and luckily now i noticed it, but i still wonder how to manage the situation. How i can be the real me again, how i can control that flood and close the gates of the dam again. I will need help, maybe i should go to the Netherlands and ask them how they manage with floods.

I know that it´s about time, about being patient and let the things happen, about get the job that i need so badly, have a daily routine and to have less time to think about things that never happened but in my mind, about be adapted of my new life and about be in peace with the world. I live in the world, but i can´t control it, just "surf" it in the best way i can. I could read not so long ago a sentence that made me think a lot.
"Life it´s what happens meanwhile you´re making other plans"

I´ve been worried most part of my life, for whatever reason. When my father died that became an illness, a real one. Now that i´m healed, coming to Estonia was a kind of test for myself. I needed to stop all those worries, i needed to feel alive, i needed to be brave and face new situations and more than anything else, to enjoy life. I always managed to skip that last part even when the life i had could be the dream of so many people. If i could see myself from outside me i´ve been "Le bon vivant" all my life. I have much more of what i deserve, i had an easy life, i always had a lot of luck in everything and was clever enough to solve the situations where i couldn´t be so lucky.

So why it is so hard for me to enjoy what i have and i always can find a reason to complaint and worry about?

That´s the million dollar question and it´s the answer i really hope to find here in Estonia, even when that answer is inside me i´ll need some help to find it and maybe risking everything i have i´ll be able to find it in the end. I just don´t want to become a monster to find it. I need to be more brave, to face the situations, because i really think that is just in there, in those actions, where i can find the answer i´ve been looking for forever.

For those i could hurt those last days. I´m really sorry.

jueves, 5 de mayo de 2011

La amistad

Buenos días.

Hoy me gustaría escribir unas cuantas lineas acerca de la amistad. La amistad es un concepto bastante complicado de explicar con palabras. Es mas un sentimiento, una emoción, que ninguna otra cosa. Ademas tiene otra peculiaridad y es que no te sueles dar cuenta de lo importante que es hasta que dejas de tenerla.

Yo personalmente disto mucho de ser una persona dependiente, es mas, los que me conozcan desde hace tiempo sabrán que por decirlo de alguna manera, he puesto a prueba la amistad con mis amigos, los verdaderos, mas de una vez. Aun así por alguna razón que desconozco me considero un tipo con suerte, en la inmensa mayoría de los casos puedo decir que tengo unos amigos que no me los merezco. Les he maltratado, ignorado, y en algunos casos hasta olvidado durante mucho tiempo, demasiado, y aun así por alguna extranya razón casi todos siguen a mi lado y apoyándome. Este blog esta a punto de alcanzar las 1500 visitas, algo totalmente inimaginable para mi cuando se me ocurrió la idea de compartir mis experiencias y mis sentimientos a través de el. No podía imaginar ni en el mejor de los casos que pudiese interesar tanto a nadie lo que siento o mis reflexiones sobre la vida.

Supongo que nadie puede realmente valorar lo que significa tener un buen amigo hasta que este deja de serlo, o lo pierde, o como sucede en algunos casos, quizás los mas desagradables de todos, descubres que lo que parecía una amistad solida en realidad no era mas que un parche. Algo ficticio para tapar una soledad mal llevada.

En este ultimo caso el nivel de frustración se dispara por lo enganyado que te sientes acerca de tus sentimientos, la confianza que has depositado en una relación que jamas ha existido excepto para ti. En general ser tan frío como para poder hacer algo así es inusual, así que esta casuistica es especialmente frecuente en lo que ahora se pueden denominar "amigos online".

Esta clase de amigos, que es algo relativamente reciente, son los que puedes hacer un día que estés aburrido, que te sientas solo o simplemente que tengas un mal día. Te pones a hablar con un desconocido, abres tu corazón, encuentras un poquito de comprensión y hala, ya tienes un amigo. Ademas como hablar por internet no suele suponer ningún esfuerzo o dedicación especial es fácil que se te caliente la boca y los sentimientos, que quizás no sean tan fuertes, se describen como realmente intensos. Es una inercia el dejarse llevar y magnificar lo que en realidad no existe.

Hay un dicho que dice que hablar es gratis, y así es en estos casos. Refugiándose en un anonimato relativo es mucho mas facil decir cosas, pero como se prueban esas cosas? Pues simplemente haciéndolas. Siendo consecuente con lo que se ha dicho previamente. Y sobre todo respetando la sagrada institución de la amistad.

Cuando alguien en el que confías ciegamente te falla una y otra vez te comienzas a plantear los porqués de ciertas situaciones. Te preguntas si realmente merece la pena seguir fingiendo que esa relación importa lo mas mínimo a alguien. Es decir, realmente tiene algún sentido intentar convencer a otra persona de que existe algo que tu sabes que no existe? No es eso un concepto pervertido ya desde su raíz? Este tipo de amistad es en origen algo para suplir una carencia en un momento determinado de la vida, pero es de un egocentrismo que raya lo extremo. Si la otra persona realmente cree que la amistad es sincera, cuando se descubre que tal amistad no ha sido mas que un pasatiempo, el corazón y sobre todo la confianza se destruye para siempre. Y eso pasa porque la familia siempre esta ahí, guste o no, pero las amistades se escogen y equivocarse acerca de una decisión propia es siempre mucho peor que cuando se puede culpar al destino, a las situaciones o a cualquier otra cosa excepto a ti mismo.

Ademas se podría decir que dentro de las amistades hay grados, medibles en cuanto al nivel de confianza con el otro, al tiempo que se ha pasado manteniendo esa relación o a la intimidad de las confesiones que se hayan hecho. Dentro de estas categorías o grados claramente el máximo es el "mejor amigo". De ese tipo solo los mas afortunados pueden decir que tienen mas de uno o dos a lo sumo y el "mejor amigo" es alguien con quien compartirías cualquier cosa de tu vida sin dudarlo, en quien confías ciegamente para todo, a quien recurres cuando tienes un problema del que no sabes salir o a quien le cuentas tus mas íntimos secretos. Pero sobre todo es alguien al que necesitas, sin en que es imposible vivir, al menos de una manera normal y feliz.

El llegar a este punto, salvo en el caso de los ninyos pequenyos, es un proceso de muchos anyos, en los cuales se va construyendo una confianza poco a poco, hasta que esta fragua y se convierte en algo tan solido como una roca.

Pero que pasa si un día se descubre que también eso, el grado máximo de amistad, la confianza plena, es solo otra ilusión? En ese caso lo primero que se me viene a la mente es la palabra desprecio. Aunque quizás no sea la mas adecuada, no se me ocurre nada mejor ahora mismo para definir lo que sentiría en esa situación. Si descubro que quien me ha considerado su mejor amigo lo ha hecho solo de palabra o si he sido yo el que he pretendido serlo y no he respondido como tal. Eso es algo realmente despreciable. Es jugar con los sentimientos y las esperanzas de otras personas a las que no solo fallas a todos los niveles posibles, desde los mas obvios y superficiales hasta los mas profundos, sino que ademas la manipulación y la frialdad que supone el hacer tal cosa lleva implícita una maldad considerable. La amistad al fin y al cabo es otra forma de amor y el dolor que cualquiera de las dos pueden provocar no lo causa ningún arma que haya podido inventar el hombre.

Tras estas reflexiones sobre la amistad solo me queda declarar mi amor incondicional por todos los que habéis sido mis amigos durante tantos anyos -o no tantos, pero que me habéis demostrado una y otra vez vuestra fidelidad- no os podéis imaginar lo que os echo de menos y cuanto os necesito, aunque no suela decirlo tan a menudo como debiera.

Espero que ninguno de vosotros pueda jamas decir sobre mi que yo he sido despreciable -o volver a decirlo al menos si lo he sido ya- y yo espero no volver a sentir tal cosa jamas sobre alguno de vosotros.

miércoles, 4 de mayo de 2011

Novocaine for the soul

As Eels used to say, music can be a good drug for the soul, it can calm it down, inspire it or just fix it, and in this last step is where i´m in now, so if you want to try some of my medicine just have some.

Oh, be careful with it, as any medicine it´s use should be supervised by a doctor.

1.- Jimi Hendrix: Hear my train comin´. -What can i say, just a lovely acoustic blues.

2.- Blind Melon: No rain. -Cool video, cool song and good message.-


3.- The Smashing Pumpkins: Mayonaise. -Epic song, a pity that the song doesn´t have a proper video.

4.- Radiohead: Creep. -Even being really obvious and sometimes even too popular, one of the best songs ever.

5.- The Arcade Fire: Crown of love. -The volume must be to the 11 and the chicken skin and the shivers are guaranteed.

6.- Eels: Novocaine for the soul. -Great song, even better title.

 7.- Little Barrie: Free salute -Great band, really good.

Ant that´s it for this morning, if you´re curious every song tells an interesting story, but if you don´t anyway all of them are supercool songs.

Rainy day

Tere hommikust!

Today i woke up with a strange feeling. After a reflexive but positive night, today as soon as i looked outside through the window i could see that today it´s the perfect galician day. About 8 degrees, cloudy and rainy. That grey light that it´s so familiar for me and quite many of you too. Sometimes being in galicia this kind of light made me be kind of depressed. Not so much in the mood to do things and of course to go out, but today i felt it in a really different way. It was the same feeling than when you´re in a strange place or in an awkward situation and suddenly a friendly face appears in the middle of the chaos to save you or at least to make you feel relaxed. Somehow it was like to be at home and that made me quite happy. Quite many of you, who know me so well, probably would never believe the way of life that i´m living here, specially about the time schedule of my days. Waking up at seven in the morning not having any reason to do it, and going to sleep at eleven or twelve as really late just because i want to. It is unbelievable even for me.

Today, with this light, with this weather forecast, with this persistent rain... just a month ago i would go back to the bed and stayed there until lunchtime, but today i just can´t do that. It´s 10 AM, i´m having my third cup of coffee this morning and for the very first time in several days i feel in peace with myself.

Rainy day, dream away.

Once again music can explain things much better than words sometimes, and when both things are together it´s just too good. I´ve never paid attention to the lyrics. As far as i´m a guitar player the music it´s the only thing i can pay attention in a song, but i´m finding quite many similarities between the things i´m living and feeling and some songs, lyrics included, so here we go with one of those cases, my beloved Hendrix nails it this time.


For the lazy ones:

Hey man, take a look out the window 'n' see what's happ'nin'
Hey man, it's rainin'
It's rainin' outside man
Aw, don't worry 'bout that
Everything's gonna be everything
We'll get into somethin' real nice you know
Sit back and groove on a rainy day
Yeah I see what you mean brother, lay back and groove.

Rainy day, dream away
Ah let the sun take a holiday
Flowers bathe an' ah see the children play
Lay back and groove on a rainy day.

Well I can see a bunch of wet creatures, look at them on the run
The carnival traffic noise it sings the tune splashing up 'n'
Even the ducks can groove rain bathin' in the park side pool
And I'm leanin' out my window sill diggin' ev'rything
And ah and you too.

Rainy day, rain all day
Ain't no use in gettin' uptight
Just let it groove it's own way
Let it drain your worries away yeah
Lay back and groove on a rainy day hey
Lay back and dream on a rainy day.

Y llego el frio

Buenas noches.

Parece que al final ha llegado el frío y lo ha hecho con ganas. Estamos a unos 4 o 5 grados como mucho durante el día y con un viento polar. Estos últimos dos días he estado al borde de la fiebre y aun no tengo demasiado claro si ha sido por el frío que he pasado por dentro o por fuera, pero el caso es que aunque sigue haciendo sol, las temperaturas ya son mas acordes con el lugar donde me encuentro.

En una isla cercana a Tallinn esta misma noche incluso ha nevado copiosamente y no esta totalmente descartado que lo haga aquí mismo manyana. Y es que claro, tan al norte el verano es el que es. La gente aquí estaba sorprendida con mis calores y con los del tiempo atmosférico también, pero eso parece que como pronto hasta dentro de unos 3 o 4 días no volverá.

Ademas de ya haber estado bajo cero -como mandan los cánones en el sitio donde estoy- y haber cogido un pequenyo catarro, como algunos que me conocéis mas o menos bien me habéis preguntado, también dentro de mi ser ha habido mucho frío y desolación estos días.

Pelear contra uno mismo es la pelea mas dura posible en todos los casos. Conoces las debilidades y las atacas, eres sucio y tiendes incluso a hacer trampas, pero lo peor de todo es que sabes de antemano que es una pelea que jamas se puede ganar. Como mucho puedes empatarla y quedarte en paz contigo mismo, pero ni una cosa mas. Y eso precisamente es lo que he estado haciendo ademas de batallar contra mis virus, pelear contra mi mismo.

Hay veces que te haces promesas a ti mismo que son difíciles de cumplir y aun así lo consigues, otras veces promesas mucho mas simples resultan físicamente imposibles de cumplir. Supongo que este es justo el caso que ocupa mis tribulaciones de esta semana. Por suerte o por desgracia hace un par de horas escasas he avanzado en la resolución de ese conflicto gracias a una extranya pero efectiva - o eso espero- conversación.

Lo mejor de todo es que la conclusión final es básicamente la que ponía en el anterior post de este blog. Necesito una estonia buena que me quiera y satisfaga, solo una de las dos seria casi tan inaceptable como mi situación actual. Para ello ya conozco al maestro de ceremonias perfecto, lo que se podría considerar un playboy estonio, que me va a sacar de juerga cuanto antes para que pueda conseguir lo que tanto necesito y tanto relajaría mi cuerpo y mente.

Hay un par de diferencias culturales que me están volviendo loco -los estonios no suelen tocarse al hablar (ni haciendo casi nada) y ademas pocas veces se despiden, lo que para un espanyolito como yo resulta muy raro y muchas veces descorazonador. Los sentimientos son algo que no siempre se puede contener y desde ya os digo que mas que nada lo que se hace es el ridículo cuando se intenta hacer tamanya estupidez. De ahí que haya estado taciturno estos días.

En cuanto a lo demás, he salido poco de casa por el frío, cosa que ayuda poco a la hora de no pensar, pero he aprovechado para leer mucho sobre Estonia y su cultura, ademas también me he comprado el segundo manual de estonio, y entre los dos espero saber decir algo coherente en breve. Debo prepararme porque este fin de semana cabe la posibilidad de que me convierta en una de las poquísimas cosas que jamas he sido, un cazador, Serán caras las noches de hotel en Tallinn? Espero poder confirmaroslo muy muy pronto.
Eso si, no sera hoy, que para lo que son los días aquí y lo que ha sido el mio propio en concreto, es tardísimo ya,

Head ööd!

PD: Prometo hacer mas referencias a las grandiosas diferencias culturales O a los paseos por los bosques de la zona. Incluso al modo de vida y el amor por el deporte de los estonios. Solo necesito tener un poquito mas de buen rollo interno y contare cada diferencia. Si esto pasase después de que haya hecho todos mis deberes con este país y con mis hormonas, probablemente sera muchísimo mas fácil el acabar de aterrizar en esta cultura para mi y también para los lectores el ponerse un poco mas en mi piel y entender sobre lo que escribo.

Otra cosa, como pienso unas 20 h al día en ingles, me comunico en ingles y hasta suenyo en ingles es mas que probable que las entradas venideras sean en ingles, si no todas, muchas de ellas.

domingo, 1 de mayo de 2011

Un dia de furia

Este fin de semana ha sido bastante largo, intenso y sobre todo agotador, tanto en lo físico como en lo emocional.

Como mis anfitrionas trabajan de lunes a jueves supongo que es fácil suponer que día empiezan realmente los fines de semana para mi. Mi dependencia todavía es demasiado grande como para hacer demasiadas cosas por mi mismo que no sean explorar la ciudad, sacar fotos como un turista mas o ir a centros comerciales que poco tienen del pasado comunista de esta tierra.

He descubierto que ser espaniol aquí es tan exótico como ser un dominicano o un ciudadano de cualquier otro país tropical. Hay muchísimos tópicos respecto a nosotros, en general erróneos. Lo primero y si cabe peor de asumir es que nos confunden con italianos, con lo que eso supone. Me entendéis verdad? Que si perseguimos a todas las mujeres del planeta tierra, que si solo nos importa la ropa... En fin, tópico tras tópico. Ademas están los que si que son reales, pero también y como no, exagerados hasta lo absurdo. Supongo que los tópicos es lo que tienen, pero claro, cada vez que conozco a alguien nuevo tengo que desmentir, corregir o matizar unas cuantas cosas respecto a nosotros.

El caso es que el jueves salí a descubrir la noche tallinesa y lo que descubrí mas que ninguna otra cosa fue la resaca posterior, que fue considerable. Claro esta que ciertos factores externos hicieron que tuviera un nivel de ansiedad particularmente alto y que perdiera por momentos mi ya conocido aplomo. En fin, la vida es así, normalmente las cosas no salen como te gustaría que saliesen, pero como hay que vivirla igual te guste o no, toca apandar con lo que salga.

Casi 35 anios son muchos ya para aprender según que cosas, pero aun así hay facetas de la vida en que descubro a diario que no se nada.

Pese a todo ha sido un gran fin de semana, al menos en cuanto a actividades. Mi actitud no ha sido la mejor para disfrutarlas al 100%, pero aun asi no debo quejarme, no seria justo.

He conocido el zoo de Tallinn, he ido a una feria en un pueblecito del centro de Estonia, me he hecho un "road trip" de lo mas interesante... Como he dicho no me puedo quejar en absoluto.

Eso si, si no quiero volverme loco o morirme de pena creo que debo encontrar una novia pronto. El dolor de corazón es algo muy duro para soportar durante demasiado tiempo.

Perdonad la baja frecuencia de mis posts últimamente, pero ademas de no tener un portátil propio todavía, mi estado emocional tampoco ha sido el mejor para escribir. O si, pero seria otro tipo de blog.

Tere päevast.

PD: Solo para que conste y para hacer el post algo mas ameno -lo siento por la poca calidad- va una fotico del zoo.