Today will be two or three posts at least, as far as i had this blog quite abandoned. Those few days were quite intense, so i really hadn't time or the right mood to write anything.
The very first new should be that i'm writing in my new laptop now. Finally i could get one, my first one ever, and i'm quite happy with it, if it weren't because of the games i guess i should have had one long ago. In this country where you can do everything online and there's free wifi almost everywhere it's definitely a "must have" item.
And the second big new it's something that i've been needing badly for so long, 3 years now. One of the main reasons to come to Estonia to live was that i needed a job, and well, i have it now. When i arrived i had a long conversation with myself about what should be my list of priorities here and what should i do about myself. As many of you know i had a really long dark period in my life, where everything i care about or could matter for me just faded away. I lost everything i loved or wanted and my intention was to reborn here as the phoenix would do, from it's ashes. So i set a list of priorities for myself. the very first one was to know my new environment, the city and the culture, in order to know how to behave here. But just after that i knew i needed a job.
I've been looking for one in Spain for quite long time and i wasn't called even to make an interview -otherwise i would be in Spain because of something that i'll explain later- and i was starting to be desperate. My unemployment pay was over, i had no hopes about the future, and suddenly a new door appeared, the possibility of coming here and start again. So i took the very first risky decision in so many years. To migrate to the north. I don't regret it. For now it's being the best decision i could take in a very very long time.
I spent 2 weeks doing nothing else than to walk around, watch and take notes about what i could discover every day. And when i felt i could be ready to come back to real life i started to look for a job. I did it online, as every other single thing here in Estonia, and just after 2 days they called me to set an interview. I made a couple of interviews before by phone and in the end we dated to make a personal interview.
As any other single interview i could do in my life i passed it and i got the job, so in 3 weeks for now i will be part of the estonian workforce and i'll close forever the most difficult chapter in my life.
Now only a couple of things more has to change to feel full and happy, but those will take time and aren't things that i can do just wishing them, so i'll have to be patient, thing that i'm not when i really know what i want. That things and the process to have them are so suitable to make huge mistakes, some of them actually are already made, but you know, nobody is perfect, and me even less. I will have to learn to enjoy the unexpected and to be able to understand that not everything can be as i would want to. I'm too used to have everything i want and sometimes there are things that are just impossible to reach.
For now i will enjoy what i have, i'll look for my own space as far as it seems i will have money enough to have a pleasant life here in Estonia, and after that who knows, i'm a lucky bastard, so maybe what i have is what i deserve and nothing else. I shouldn't complaint at all, it's more than what many people has, so i shouldn't be greedy, but yes ambitious. I won't give up in the search of my own happiness, i just will have to take a break, not get obsessed and start to enjoy what i already have, which is a lot.